Pit-stops in Life – Refuel, Retool and Finish the Race
When I was growing up in Alabama, my Daddy used to take me to the local car races in Birmingham. His longtime assistant (I can’t bear to say the word secretary – it’s so 1970) was married to a guy who was one of the drivers. There was a track on the west side of the city where they raced stock cars and when we would go, we would get the VIP treatment. I remember walking through the Pit before the race, saying hello to all of the drivers, hearing the loud noises of the engines revving up, and looking up at the crazy, energetic crowd. When I was a little older, my Daddy took me to Talladega for a NASCAR race. It was like the excitement of the Birmingham races on 20million tons of steroids – full of louder crowds, faster cars AND better snacks. Ah, the priorities of a 10 year-old!
If you’ve never been to a NASCAR race, you truly have not lived a full life. You don’t have to be an actual race fan to appreciate it. It truly is a fascinating phenomenon – how that any people will pay big bucks to sit in the hot sun for hours and watch cars go around and around……and around…….and around. Of course, at my age, I was most excited about the Richard Petty #43 blue and red stuffed car my Daddy bought me (like a stuff animal, but a car). I loved that stuffed car.
The other thing I was fascinated with the most was the pit-stop. It was mind-blowing to watch how fast those crews could change four tires, pump gas and do all sorts of “quick fixes” so their driver could jump right back into the race. I never really understood how they didn’t lose their place and hurt their chances of winning by pulling into the pit. I remember asking my Daddy that question, and he simply answered…
“Well, honey, everyone has to pull into the pit at some point during the race. If they don’t, they won’t have enough fuel to even finish, let alone WIN the race.”
Little did I know how true those words would come to mean to me. In this week’s Misplaced Life Podcast, “Mental Misplacement: Not Feeling Normal is SO Normal,” Donzell and I discuss how important it is for people to include their mental well-being as part of their overall healthcare. In our society, mental illness is often NOT talked about, as if it’s something to be ashamed of or just needed to be kept private. The truth is, we ALL have those moments in our life where we feel a little off – a little sad or depressed or just not ourselves. Unfortunately, there are many people who suffer from some very serious mental illnesses and need extreme measures of care. On the other side of that are so many people who go through times where they don’t feel mentally healthy. Even if it may not be life-threatening, it can be debilitating, paralyzing and if NOT addressed can certainly lead to heavier issues. It’s so important to recognize those moments, and do whatever we can to take care of ourselves or get help in doing so.
This past year has been a very pivotal one for me. When I walked away from my career in the music biz, I knew it was the right decision. That still didn’t make it easy. It took me another year or so to really figure out what the right direction was for me to take in my “new chapter.” I knew I wanted it to be creative and I had so many thoughts and ideas, but I was really struggling to figure out how to figure it out. Along with the restrictions imposed by the pandemic, 2020 brought me the time and freedom to allow myself to really sort things out. I found a Voiceover agent. I enrolled in a 2-year Meisner Technique program at The Ruskin School of Acting (love you Ruskin Family). I launched, produced and co-hosted the podcast all on my own with the creative input from my partner, Donzell Lewis. I finally decided to start this website to host my blog and be a hub for my writing and other creative endeavors. One can never accuse me of not being ambitious. They may say a lot of other things about me, but not that one.
In December, I was really rockin’ and rolling. I was in my imaginary NASCAR #25 (purple and turquoise, of course) just racing around that track at what felt to be Mach 2 speed. Holiday madness was upon me, as well as my kids’ finals and final projects – distance learning is SUCH a bitch. I was also rushing to get one last podcast out…..finish building and launching my website……prepare for my final end-of-first-year acting showcase and and and and……..BOOM!! Engine light BRIGHT RED.
Even though during this time I was listening and editing the podcast about mental health, I wasn’t actually hearing what was coming out of my own mouth. I got through the holidays by taking a little pressure off myself (along with Donzell’s help and support), and rolled up my sleeves in January and was determined to get the podcast and the new website out by end of January, just in time for my birthday. What a great way to celebrate! New year….new career…..new and improved life!
And then……school kicked in again and my children’s needs for support surrounding that as well. There were some other health issues that cropped up unexpectedly in my family that also required my attention. Let’s be clear – whenever my kids need anything, I consistently drop anything else that I’m doing and take care of them. They are and will always be my priority. What I didn’t do was tell myself that it was OK if the other things had to wait. I thought that I could just stay up late, or get up early…..or forego my favorite Pilates class and use that time for my projects.
As we all know how the saying goes “there’s never time in the day.” Somehow my situation seemed even worse than that. All of sudden, I felt like I was living a “never enough time in life for life” moment. All of that overwhelmed me and somehow paralyzed me. Then, like a ton of bricks crashing through the windshield of my race car, I realized that I was doing the EXACT same thing to myself that I ran away from in my music career. I was putting all of the same pressure on myself to do the impossible, but forgetting that this time around, I was in the driver’s seat.
So I pulled that beautiful purple and turquoise race car right on over for a pit stop. I realized that my journey doesn’t always have to be in “green means go” mode. Taking the pressure off of myself was like taking my foot off the gas pedal. I came to a complete stop. My acting teacher, John Ruskin, always says that sometimes you can say so much more during the moments IN BETWEEN the lines. There can be so much thought and emotion in the silence. As I sat there in the pit, I said nothing, and in that moment of silence, I heard everything I didn’t before.
I heard my pit crew telling me that I’m an amazing mother, and that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself for taking the time to take care of my family, even if it meant delaying my project timeline – pardon the marketing speak, but that’s what I lived for 22 years. That filled my tank way past full. Another crew member reminded me to breathe. That changed the oil. Finally, they banned together to help put together a new creative space at home (complete with my own Pilates machine), so Mom can work, think, breathe, act, zoom and audition to hear heart’s content, but always be available for the proverbial “Mom, can you help me?” moments throughout the day. THAT was the sound of those brand new tires being riveted so I can rev up, scoot off and finish my race.
The race isn’t over, but I now know that I have fuel and the tools to finish it. I’m not worried about winning – my checkered flag of family and friends who love and support me is all I need. They are the best pit crew any girl could ever have.
